Showing posts with label mfp. Show all posts
Showing posts with label mfp. Show all posts
Thursday, April 26, 2012
mileage
It's been approximately 18 days since Easter, and last time I checked, I had gained back 4 lbs... So much for breaking my patterns of unhealthy eating! Looking back on the Daniel fast, I think the major thing I learned is that I live to eat, not vice versa. When I was eating a seriously restricted diet, eating was not all that enjoyable, so I only did it when I was hungry... you know, like we're supposed to.
After Easter, I thought that maybe I could keep that going but continuing to abstain from certain food groups. But somehow the spell of the fast had been broken, and every forbidden food found its way in. I stopped tracking when I was on the fast, and I have done MFP maybe twice since it ended. I am still not sure if that app is the way to go, but I am thinking about weight watchers. I feel like the points program would be better than just calorie counting. Maybe I can get my mom to go with me.
I've also found an interesting parallel between my driving and eating habits. Recently I have been using a hybrid car that gives me a running estimate of my mpg. I like to keep it above 60 mpg, but sometimes that means going slower than I want to. So often I end up choosing speed over mileage, thinking "Oh, I'll make it up later by driving more conservatively". I'm the same way with eating. I want to be healthier, but sometimes that means saying "no" to food and "yes" to exercise. Yet, I often find myself saying "I'll eat _____ now and make it up with exercise [later/tomorrow]." And I almost NEVER follow through. So I end up with too many calories in and not enough burned, and that affects my mpg.
Lastly, I'm realizing that my goals are too vague. Most people have a goal weight or size, but I have a hard time with that because those numbers don't convey what I can do. I want to have a fitness goal (e.g. running a marathon) that I can train for. But I don't want to run a marathon, biking hurts my knees, and I can't swim well. So that leaves... hiking? Maybe I can train to climb a mountain...
Friday, January 27, 2012
realism
So, I finally lowered my expectations regarding weight loss goals... at least on MFP. The app has this goal setter that allows you to choose how much weight you want to lose per week. Naturally, I set it to the highest it would go: -2 lbs per week, because I thought my body could handle it.
Truth is, my body totally could handle eating 1800 calories a day. If I ate all the right things, I would not starve or even be hungry much. BUT I'm not doing that. I'm eating fairly healthy things in large portions, and occasionally stuffing my face with junk. I thought I could keep myself accountable by entering everything I ate. When I reached my daily calorie limit, I rolled eaten calories over onto the next day, hoping to make up the difference with exercise/restricted eating. The reality? I've been going into each day with a decreasing number of calories, because of the debt that is accumulating. The exercise makes me hungry, and I end up eating more calories.
It's a vicious cycle, as you can see. So what can I do? For starters, I told MFP I want to lose 1 lb per week. My new calorie limit seems more manageable. And I have decided that I will not enter any exercise I do, so I will not receive "extra calories". Instead, all of that will go into the deficit bank, which will hopefully translate to weight loss.
What are your thoughts on these lowered expectations? Am I just giving in to my own desires? Or am I being realistic?
PS: I contacted the dance team regarding their invitation... We'll see!
Truth is, my body totally could handle eating 1800 calories a day. If I ate all the right things, I would not starve or even be hungry much. BUT I'm not doing that. I'm eating fairly healthy things in large portions, and occasionally stuffing my face with junk. I thought I could keep myself accountable by entering everything I ate. When I reached my daily calorie limit, I rolled eaten calories over onto the next day, hoping to make up the difference with exercise/restricted eating. The reality? I've been going into each day with a decreasing number of calories, because of the debt that is accumulating. The exercise makes me hungry, and I end up eating more calories.
It's a vicious cycle, as you can see. So what can I do? For starters, I told MFP I want to lose 1 lb per week. My new calorie limit seems more manageable. And I have decided that I will not enter any exercise I do, so I will not receive "extra calories". Instead, all of that will go into the deficit bank, which will hopefully translate to weight loss.
What are your thoughts on these lowered expectations? Am I just giving in to my own desires? Or am I being realistic?
PS: I contacted the dance team regarding their invitation... We'll see!
Sunday, January 8, 2012
traditions, tracking, and trying
The holidays have drawn to a close with the dawn of 2012, and I wanted to reflect on traditions a little. I have attended a particular New Year's party three out of the past four years, and they have a fascinating tradition called the "Throwing of the Eggs". This involves a couple dozen eggs, several sharpie markers, and thoughtful reflection from the party guests. Each attendee chooses something they want to leave behind going into the new year, scrawls it on an egg, and lobs it at a trashcan lid nailed to a tree. Writing the names of spouses is strongly discouraged.
I cannot express how much I love this tradition. I have been making resolutions for years, and they always go out the window by February, sometimes even by January 2nd. Somehow, though, the egg throwing does it for me. I think and prayerfully consider before I choose my item(s), and then the act of throwing it at a tree somehow seals it. When later I am faced with that particular thing, be it a struggle or temptation, I literally think "BUT I WROTE THAT ON THE EGG!" and it works. That memory is enough.
This year I wrote two difficult items and one easy one. My easy one was "alcohol" because it's doctor's orders and I don't like it all that much anyway. My difficult ones were comfort eating and backbiting. These two might be the most difficult ones I have ever attempted.
For example, its been eight days, and I lost count of how many times I have faced backbiting. It's everywhere, especially in an all-female workplace. In making an effort not to participate/initiate, I am that much more aware of how much it happens! This is going to be a tough one.
The comfort eating one will also be interesting. I am excited to leave behind my unhealthy eating response to unhappy events. However, I have already caught myself saying "I'm not upset so this Rice Krispie orgy doesn't count as comfort eating." And what about period binges? Is it comfort eating when I use chocolate to quell the raging menstrual beast? Try telling that to my uterus.
Honestly, I think the resolution would work if I were tracking, but lately I haven't been. I balk every time I look at the myfitnesspal app. I can't explain why, but the feelings are a mixture of hopelessness and frustration. I am beginning to suspect more and more that mfp is not really helping my eating habits, because I still make unhealthy choices and be within my calorie range (though I'm often not). That's not the app's fault, though; it's mine. Ultimately, the choices are still mine, regardless of whether I track.
So I just pawed through my stack of books and found Made to Crave. I might as well begin at the beginning again.
I cannot express how much I love this tradition. I have been making resolutions for years, and they always go out the window by February, sometimes even by January 2nd. Somehow, though, the egg throwing does it for me. I think and prayerfully consider before I choose my item(s), and then the act of throwing it at a tree somehow seals it. When later I am faced with that particular thing, be it a struggle or temptation, I literally think "BUT I WROTE THAT ON THE EGG!" and it works. That memory is enough.
This year I wrote two difficult items and one easy one. My easy one was "alcohol" because it's doctor's orders and I don't like it all that much anyway. My difficult ones were comfort eating and backbiting. These two might be the most difficult ones I have ever attempted.
For example, its been eight days, and I lost count of how many times I have faced backbiting. It's everywhere, especially in an all-female workplace. In making an effort not to participate/initiate, I am that much more aware of how much it happens! This is going to be a tough one.
The comfort eating one will also be interesting. I am excited to leave behind my unhealthy eating response to unhappy events. However, I have already caught myself saying "I'm not upset so this Rice Krispie orgy doesn't count as comfort eating." And what about period binges? Is it comfort eating when I use chocolate to quell the raging menstrual beast? Try telling that to my uterus.
Honestly, I think the resolution would work if I were tracking, but lately I haven't been. I balk every time I look at the myfitnesspal app. I can't explain why, but the feelings are a mixture of hopelessness and frustration. I am beginning to suspect more and more that mfp is not really helping my eating habits, because I still make unhealthy choices and be within my calorie range (though I'm often not). That's not the app's fault, though; it's mine. Ultimately, the choices are still mine, regardless of whether I track.
So I just pawed through my stack of books and found Made to Crave. I might as well begin at the beginning again.
Wednesday, November 16, 2011
the trials of tracking
I never thought I would say this, but I feel like tracking sometimes actually makes me eat more than I would in certain situations. I have this weird aversion to leaving calories uneaten... like I am somehow depriving myself if I don't consume them, even if I'm truly not hungry. I need to find a way to reframe this in my mind so that I don't eat when I am not hungry regardless of my calorie balance. I also find myself eating more fat than I would if I weren't tracking, because I look for the calories and sometimes forget to look at that number. This is probably why WW is better, but MFP is free...
In talking with my mentor, I've come to the conclusion that my ultimate goal should not be a number but rather emancipation from numbers. Eventually, I would like to be able to know naturally what I should/should not eat, and listen to the Lord's leadings for those "permissible but not necessarily beneficial" foods. I don't want to count calories forever! But right now I *need* to take note of the excesses (carb/sugar/sodium/fat) and deficits (protein/vegetable) so I can begin to adopt better eating habits. I also need to learn to be accountable for the things I eat by exercising to compensate for overages. There are no freebies. Yet I need to remember that I can't do this on my own and that to walk (sometimes literally) in shame and regret is not helpful. With the consequences also comes grace if I am willing to accept it.
Please pray that God's still small voice would begin to speak louder than the cravings or inklings that I "deserve" certain treats, especially in cases where I technically have enough calories to eat them!
In talking with my mentor, I've come to the conclusion that my ultimate goal should not be a number but rather emancipation from numbers. Eventually, I would like to be able to know naturally what I should/should not eat, and listen to the Lord's leadings for those "permissible but not necessarily beneficial" foods. I don't want to count calories forever! But right now I *need* to take note of the excesses (carb/sugar/sodium/fat) and deficits (protein/vegetable) so I can begin to adopt better eating habits. I also need to learn to be accountable for the things I eat by exercising to compensate for overages. There are no freebies. Yet I need to remember that I can't do this on my own and that to walk (sometimes literally) in shame and regret is not helpful. With the consequences also comes grace if I am willing to accept it.
Please pray that God's still small voice would begin to speak louder than the cravings or inklings that I "deserve" certain treats, especially in cases where I technically have enough calories to eat them!
Sunday, October 30, 2011
snow pass
When I rolled out of bed at almost noon, I was surprised to see a soft blanket of snow on the ground. I had heard the forecast but somehow it still took my breath away to see so much white. Even when the power went out, it was still bright in the house from all the reflected light.
I wish I could say that I proceeded to have a lovely healthy day in which I kept on track and even burned some calories shoveling snow... but that would be LIES. What I actually did was interpret the power outage & uncharged iPod as a Hall Pass to eat whatever I wanted. If you can't enter it on MFP, it doesn't count... right?
Wrong. The power is back now and my insides are gurgling from the binge. I thought about just not entering my intake... but I logged it anyway, just to see how bad it was-- a 2500+ calorie overage! WHAT WAS I THINKING?
Actually, I guess I know the answer. I was thinking "I can have this because I want it" and "I will fix this tomorrow" and "But it's so delicious, I can have more". But all these things are false. For example, what if I walked up to someone's husband and kissed them because I wanted to. SIN. What if I stole from a store because I didn't have the money to pay today, with the intention of paying them back when I did. SIN. What if I liked the feeling I got from a prescription pain-killer, so I started taking it even when I wasn't in pain. SIN.
Food-related transgressions are not often called by what they are: SIN. I've been thinking about this in context of Christian community. How many plump parishioners, stout singers, and portly preachers fill the chairs of churches? Do you say anything to them (me) about indulgence? No. Maybe you think you shouldn't because their (my) sin is more visible than yours. It's not fair that you know what they (I) struggle with when they (I) don't know your vices. So you should pretend that you don't know, to level the playing field.
What?! Whose idea was that?! While it's true that a person with a plank in his/her eye shouldn't try to help someone else get a sliver out of theirs... putting on sunglasses and pretending everything is F-I-N-E is not any better!
And you know what? If someone knows what I struggle with and loves me & Jesus, then they should hold me accountable. If I know what they struggle with, you better believe I will exhort them, because I LOVE them (and I like telling people what to do).
Being this way, having this relationship with food is not healthy or right. It is sin and it needs to go.
I wish I could say that I proceeded to have a lovely healthy day in which I kept on track and even burned some calories shoveling snow... but that would be LIES. What I actually did was interpret the power outage & uncharged iPod as a Hall Pass to eat whatever I wanted. If you can't enter it on MFP, it doesn't count... right?
Wrong. The power is back now and my insides are gurgling from the binge. I thought about just not entering my intake... but I logged it anyway, just to see how bad it was-- a 2500+ calorie overage! WHAT WAS I THINKING?
Actually, I guess I know the answer. I was thinking "I can have this because I want it" and "I will fix this tomorrow" and "But it's so delicious, I can have more". But all these things are false. For example, what if I walked up to someone's husband and kissed them because I wanted to. SIN. What if I stole from a store because I didn't have the money to pay today, with the intention of paying them back when I did. SIN. What if I liked the feeling I got from a prescription pain-killer, so I started taking it even when I wasn't in pain. SIN.
Food-related transgressions are not often called by what they are: SIN. I've been thinking about this in context of Christian community. How many plump parishioners, stout singers, and portly preachers fill the chairs of churches? Do you say anything to them (me) about indulgence? No. Maybe you think you shouldn't because their (my) sin is more visible than yours. It's not fair that you know what they (I) struggle with when they (I) don't know your vices. So you should pretend that you don't know, to level the playing field.
What?! Whose idea was that?! While it's true that a person with a plank in his/her eye shouldn't try to help someone else get a sliver out of theirs... putting on sunglasses and pretending everything is F-I-N-E is not any better!
And you know what? If someone knows what I struggle with and loves me & Jesus, then they should hold me accountable. If I know what they struggle with, you better believe I will exhort them, because I LOVE them (and I like telling people what to do).
Being this way, having this relationship with food is not healthy or right. It is sin and it needs to go.
Monday, October 10, 2011
reset button
When my food tracker rolls over to the next day and my calorie credit resets, it's tempting to think that the choices from the previous day are washed away, including the 1000 calorie cracker/cheese/jam binge. But that is really just playing the "out of sight, out of mind" game. The truth will show up on weigh-in day.
I wish I could say that binges are a thing of the past, that they won't happen ever again. But in reality, I had one yesterday, and I will probably struggle with that temptation for the rest of life. However, I think that honest recording can help me to bounce back.
I don't have any trouble recording exercise in my food diary, and then consuming every extra calorie I earn. I just wish MFP would keep a rolling balance: if I go over my calorie limit any day, I carry that debt until I exercise it away. If every earned calorie was applied to outstanding calorie balances from previous days, I might stop taking three steps forward and two steps back.
Since MFP doesn't have this feature, I'm going to try doing it my own way. Every bit of exercise I do will be entered on Sunday until that debt is paid off. Here's hoping it works!
I wish I could say that binges are a thing of the past, that they won't happen ever again. But in reality, I had one yesterday, and I will probably struggle with that temptation for the rest of life. However, I think that honest recording can help me to bounce back.
I don't have any trouble recording exercise in my food diary, and then consuming every extra calorie I earn. I just wish MFP would keep a rolling balance: if I go over my calorie limit any day, I carry that debt until I exercise it away. If every earned calorie was applied to outstanding calorie balances from previous days, I might stop taking three steps forward and two steps back.
Since MFP doesn't have this feature, I'm going to try doing it my own way. Every bit of exercise I do will be entered on Sunday until that debt is paid off. Here's hoping it works!
Sunday, September 25, 2011
guilt free
So, church was amazing today. During worship I felt really light and free. It took me a minute to figure out what was different. Guess what it was? The guilt is GONE!
Today is day five of a new part of this journey. My brother texted me on Tuesday to invite me to join him in tracking our weightloss journeys on myfitnesspal.com. I already had an account from a previous attempt, so within minutes I was onboard, logging my calories, exercise, and weight.
I can't even explain the difference in just five days. Don't get me wrong- I haven't lost like 5 pounds or anything. The change is my attitude! The simple act of keeping track has thrown open the doors and invited me to enjoy food again. I don't feel guilt for what I eat, but I do PAY ATTENTION. If it's not worth the calories, I don't eat it! It's not rocket science, I know, but it is a major breakthrough nonetheless. Setting limits gives me freedom! Now where have I heard that principle before...?
I also watched Tangled last night for the first time, and was struck by the King waiting for his long lost daughter for EIGHTEEN years, sending multitudes of brilliant sky lanterns out each year on her birthday in the hopes that they would guide her home. Realizing that this is how God feels about ME almost brought me to tears. He so desperately wants me to leave these chains of addiction behind and run to Him!
This is the first Sunday in a long time where I have felt unchained. I stood with my heart lifted as the worship washed over me, with nothing held back from my Savior.
Today is day five of a new part of this journey. My brother texted me on Tuesday to invite me to join him in tracking our weightloss journeys on myfitnesspal.com. I already had an account from a previous attempt, so within minutes I was onboard, logging my calories, exercise, and weight.
I can't even explain the difference in just five days. Don't get me wrong- I haven't lost like 5 pounds or anything. The change is my attitude! The simple act of keeping track has thrown open the doors and invited me to enjoy food again. I don't feel guilt for what I eat, but I do PAY ATTENTION. If it's not worth the calories, I don't eat it! It's not rocket science, I know, but it is a major breakthrough nonetheless. Setting limits gives me freedom! Now where have I heard that principle before...?
I also watched Tangled last night for the first time, and was struck by the King waiting for his long lost daughter for EIGHTEEN years, sending multitudes of brilliant sky lanterns out each year on her birthday in the hopes that they would guide her home. Realizing that this is how God feels about ME almost brought me to tears. He so desperately wants me to leave these chains of addiction behind and run to Him!
This is the first Sunday in a long time where I have felt unchained. I stood with my heart lifted as the worship washed over me, with nothing held back from my Savior.
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