traditions, tracking, and trying

The holidays have drawn to a close with the dawn of 2012, and I wanted to reflect on traditions a little. I have attended a particular New Year's party three out of the past four years, and they have a fascinating tradition called the "Throwing of the Eggs". This involves a couple dozen eggs, several sharpie markers, and thoughtful reflection from the party guests. Each attendee chooses something they want to leave behind going into the new year, scrawls it on an egg, and lobs it at a trashcan lid nailed to a tree. Writing the names of spouses is strongly discouraged.

I cannot express how much I love this tradition. I have been making resolutions for years, and they always go out the window by February, sometimes even by January 2nd. Somehow, though, the egg throwing does it for me. I think and prayerfully consider before I choose my item(s), and then the act of throwing it at a tree somehow seals it. When later I am faced with that particular thing, be it a struggle or temptation, I literally think "BUT I WROTE THAT ON THE EGG!" and it works. That memory is enough.

This year I wrote two difficult items and one easy one. My easy one was "alcohol" because it's doctor's orders and I don't like it all that much anyway. My difficult ones were comfort eating and backbiting. These two might be the most difficult ones I have ever attempted.

For example, its been eight days, and I lost count of how many times I have faced backbiting. It's everywhere, especially in an all-female workplace. In making an effort not to participate/initiate, I am that much more aware of how much it happens! This is going to be a tough one.

The comfort eating one will also be interesting. I am excited to leave behind my unhealthy eating response to unhappy events. However, I have already caught myself saying "I'm not upset so this Rice Krispie orgy doesn't count as comfort eating." And what about period binges? Is it comfort eating when I use chocolate to quell the raging menstrual beast? Try telling that to my uterus.

Honestly, I think the resolution would work if I were tracking, but lately I haven't been. I balk every time I look at the myfitnesspal app. I can't explain why, but the feelings are a mixture of hopelessness and frustration. I am beginning to suspect more and more that mfp is not really helping my eating habits, because I still make unhealthy choices and be within my calorie range (though I'm often not). That's not the app's fault, though; it's mine. Ultimately, the choices are still mine, regardless of whether I track.

So I just pawed through my stack of books and found Made to Crave. I might as well begin at the beginning again.