I never thought I would say this, but I feel like tracking sometimes actually makes me eat more than I would in certain situations. I have this weird aversion to leaving calories uneaten... like I am somehow depriving myself if I don't consume them, even if I'm truly not hungry. I need to find a way to reframe this in my mind so that I don't eat when I am not hungry regardless of my calorie balance. I also find myself eating more fat than I would if I weren't tracking, because I look for the calories and sometimes forget to look at that number. This is probably why WW is better, but MFP is free...
In talking with my mentor, I've come to the conclusion that my ultimate goal should not be a number but rather emancipation from numbers. Eventually, I would like to be able to know naturally what I should/should not eat, and listen to the Lord's leadings for those "permissible but not necessarily beneficial" foods. I don't want to count calories forever! But right now I *need* to take note of the excesses (carb/sugar/sodium/fat) and deficits (protein/vegetable) so I can begin to adopt better eating habits. I also need to learn to be accountable for the things I eat by exercising to compensate for overages. There are no freebies. Yet I need to remember that I can't do this on my own and that to walk (sometimes literally) in shame and regret is not helpful. With the consequences also comes grace if I am willing to accept it.
Please pray that God's still small voice would begin to speak louder than the cravings or inklings that I "deserve" certain treats, especially in cases where I technically have enough calories to eat them!
