don't even go there

So lately I've been struggling with the idea of "everything is permissible but not everything is beneficial". I have mentioned a strategy in which I substitute the phrase "I can eat X if I do Y exercise" for the phrase "I can have this treat because..." However, I'm beginning to wonder if that strategy doesn't work well for people dealing with food addiction.

 Some foods are a road well traveled for me, that always ends in a serious overindulgence. Most cereals, baked goods, and salty snack foods fall into this category. Eating one little bit starts a chain reaction in which I find myself unable to eat only a single portion UNLESS it is individually packaged (who knew cellophane was a psychological forcefield?). But buying individually packaged snacks is super expensive and portioning into snack-size ziplocs is NOT the same. Somehow that zipper doesn't deter me one bit... maybe because it's resealable?

I used to think it was normal to have certain foods that I just can't control myself around, and anyone who puts those foods in my path is sabotaging me... But that takes the power out of MY hands, when in reality it is my HANDS that are doing the sabotaging by reaching for that cookie, chip, etc.

So now I'm leaning more toward just avoiding these "trigger" foods. It's not like they're a vital part of the food pyramid (though I hear now it's shaped like a plate...). Having one sweet/salty treat at a party may one day become an option, but for now it's an invitation to sin, so I'm going to say to myself "don't even go there!"

the Bride

I have a secret for you. Are you ready?

I think about... weddings.

Yep, that's my secret: I think about something that many normal girls think about. It's a secret because I make a big show of acting like I don't think about it, like I don't care about that stuff. I enjoy going to weddings and talking about other people's weddings, but I make sure people know I NEVER think about what it would be like to have my own... LIES.

One of the biblical metaphors for Christ & the church is marriage. The church is the Bride, who misbehaves a lot but is still loved by the groom, Christ. This analogy tends to make me a bit misty-eyed, because it makes me think of weddings and my own past. I think about what it would be like to be that Bride, in the flesh, broken but loved anyway. However, I know that extending the analogy to cast a human husband as Christ is dangerous ground; no man can or should fill that role.

I don't remember the first time I heard about women becoming nuns by partaking in an actual marriage service where they make vows to Jesus. I researched it a little and watched a clip of one such ceremony and it made me so happy to see the joy on the faces of these women. They are marrying the One they love, committing to a life of serving Him. I am jealous in a way. I don't necessarily agree with all the accompanying dogma, but I am drawn to the thought of marrying Jesus and living in community with others who have done the same. What freedom!

conviction

I feel like my conviction has kind of fled. I've been indulging quite a bit these past few days, and have felt little to no inkling of guilt. I know that guilt is not the same as conviction, but usually I get a little guilt before conviction swoops in.

So I'm a little worried that I'm not feeling either. Like maybe the Holy Spirit knows He is being ignored and so He's not wasting His breath. That scares me.

exceptions

I hate the self-talk that says "You can eat that because ______." I need to retrain it to say "You can eat that if _______."

BEFORE
Scene: a birthday party, burgers, chips, cookies, etc
"I had two burgers and some chips. I want a cookie. I can have some because it's a special event and I never have cookies."

AFTER (God-willing)
Scene: see above
"I had a burger with lots of lettuce and some baby carrots. I want a cookie. I can have one if I join the people playing volleyball for at least one game."

Notice how I changed the self-talk and the portions. I'm ambitious like that.

Right now my excuse is that I am visiting friends out of state and the staples of their diet are pretty much my guilty pleasures... I'm in serious danger of "I can have that because"-ing my way into a seatbelt extender for the plane ride home!