snow pass

When I rolled out of bed at almost noon, I was surprised to see a soft blanket of snow on the ground. I had heard the forecast but somehow it still took my breath away to see so much white. Even when the power went out, it was still bright in the house from all the reflected light.

I wish I could say that I proceeded to have a lovely healthy day in which I kept on track and even burned some calories shoveling snow... but that would be LIES. What I actually did was interpret the power outage & uncharged iPod as a Hall Pass to eat whatever I wanted. If you can't enter it on MFP, it doesn't count... right?

Wrong. The power is back now and my insides are gurgling from the binge. I thought about just not entering my intake... but I logged it anyway, just to see how bad it was-- a 2500+ calorie overage! WHAT WAS I THINKING?

Actually, I guess I know the answer. I was thinking "I can have this because I want it" and "I will fix this tomorrow" and "But it's so delicious, I can have more". But all these things are false. For example, what if I walked up to someone's husband and kissed them because I wanted to. SIN. What if I stole from a store because I didn't have the money to pay today, with the intention of paying them back when I did. SIN. What if I liked the feeling I got from a prescription pain-killer, so I started taking it even when I wasn't in pain. SIN.

Food-related transgressions are not often called by what they are: SIN. I've been thinking about this in context of Christian community. How many plump parishioners, stout singers, and portly preachers fill the chairs of churches? Do you say anything to them (me) about indulgence? No. Maybe you think you shouldn't because their (my) sin is more visible than yours. It's not fair that you know what they (I) struggle with when they (I) don't know your vices. So you should pretend that you don't know, to level the playing field.

What?! Whose idea was that?! While it's true that a person with a plank in his/her eye shouldn't try to help someone else get a sliver out of theirs... putting on sunglasses and pretending everything is F-I-N-E is not any better!

And you know what? If someone knows what I struggle with and loves me & Jesus, then they should hold me accountable. If I know what they struggle with, you better believe I will exhort them, because I LOVE them (and I like telling people what to do).

Being this way, having this relationship with food is not healthy or right. It is sin and it needs to go.

reset button

When my food tracker rolls over to the next day and my calorie credit resets, it's tempting to think that the choices from the previous day are washed away, including the 1000 calorie cracker/cheese/jam binge. But that is really just playing the "out of sight, out of mind" game. The truth will show up on weigh-in day.

I wish I could say that binges are a thing of the past, that they won't happen ever again. But in reality, I had one yesterday, and I will probably struggle with that temptation for the rest of life. However, I think that honest recording can help me to bounce back.

I don't have any trouble recording exercise in my food diary, and then consuming every extra calorie I earn. I just wish MFP would keep a rolling balance: if I go over my calorie limit any day, I carry that debt until I exercise it away. If every earned calorie was applied to outstanding calorie balances from previous days, I might stop taking three steps forward and two steps back.

Since MFP doesn't have this feature, I'm going to try doing it my own way. Every bit of exercise I do will be entered on Sunday until that debt is paid off. Here's hoping it works!