sleeping in the light

We who walk the broken ground
Who stand and who fall down again
Who just want to live
And we who wander in a dream
Who look but can’t see through the night
Sleeping in the light
We wait for you who spoke the morning
~Sarah Reeves "awaken"

These lyrics have struck a chord with me recently. My church often talks about being "awake" and living intentionally... I don't feel like I have been doing that as of late.

I'm not sure when I started falling back into old habits: living passively, letting things happen rather than being active in my own life, giving in to addiction(s) with little to no fight. But here I am, 3AM on a Sunday morning, reviewing the events of Saturday with more than a little regret. I have been awake for just over twelve hours, which means I slept until... well, you do the math. I ate, napped, and meandered around on the internet for a LONG time, making less than stellar choices about what I put into my brain and stomach.

And now I know that *if* I make it to church in less than seven hours, it will be with a seriously reduced capacity to pay attention... something I have chided others for fairly recently (sorry for the hypocrisy, you know who you are).

What am I doing?! I'm sleeping in the light. I've been lulled into complacency and fallen asleep. It's happened so slowly that I didn't even notice it. But now I am missing the beautiful daylight and only yawning awake just as the darkness falls. And the darkness is filled with everything I've tried to put behind me.

Jesus, please come and wake me up again. Show me what I do not see, show me what I am doing through Your eyes. Take my hand and lead me back into the light. Come and get me.