Losing weight is actually kind of terrifying. It has taken me many years and at least one failed "relationship" to realize that being fat is safe. It insulates me in more ways than just thermally.
Being fat is an easy excuse for being single. With each pound I lose, I begin to notice my singleness a bit more. I start to think about other characteristics that could repel men, and the list is not short. The failed "relationship" I mentioned occurred at my highest weight and ended because of my personality. That can't exactly be remedied with a strict regimen of diet & exercise.
When I watch romantic comedies, I start to get a little hopeful, even a little envious, until the thought "That only happens to skinny people" pops up and realigns my thinking. It's okay that I don't have a Prince Charming because I'm fat.
So what happens when I reach my goal weight and I'm still single? How then do I justify it to myself and protect my self-esteem? At what point do I have to face the possibility that maybe it's the Crazy that makes men forget my phone number, magically get back together with an ex-girlfriend, or spontaneously move to Asia?
Here's the real kicker, though: my fear of being alone because I'm unlovable is only overshadowed by my fear of falling in love and having my heart shattered... again. So I have TWO emotional reasons to stay fat: to protect my self-image (sounds contradictory, doesn't it?) and to protect my heart from being vulnerable... to be insulated!
But that's not what He wants, so the journey continues.
I completely understand the weight being an insulator. I used it as a wall between myself and truth for many years. And, it is scary as all get out to think about yourself being different than you have always been. But, like you've said the journey continues because His perfect love casts out fear.
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