I hate the self-talk that says "You can eat that because ______." I need to retrain it to say "You can eat that if _______."
BEFORE
Scene: a birthday party, burgers, chips, cookies, etc
"I had two burgers and some chips. I want a cookie. I can have some because it's a special event and I never have cookies."
AFTER (God-willing)
Scene: see above
"I had a burger with lots of lettuce and some baby carrots. I want a cookie. I can have one if I join the people playing volleyball for at least one game."
Notice how I changed the self-talk and the portions. I'm ambitious like that.
Right now my excuse is that I am visiting friends out of state and the staples of their diet are pretty much my guilty pleasures... I'm in serious danger of "I can have that because"-ing my way into a seatbelt extender for the plane ride home!
Showing posts with label triggers. Show all posts
Showing posts with label triggers. Show all posts
Friday, July 1, 2011
Thursday, June 23, 2011
death of [a permutation of] a dream
Proverbs 13:12 "Hope deferred makes the heart sick, but a dream fulfilled is the tree of life"
I've been pondering my addiction(s) today, as I've been feeling like they are getting the best of me. I confess that I've been thinking hopeless thoughts, musing that these thorns are more a part of me than the petals, that I haven't been winning the battle, that any ground I've gained is minuscule compared to what remains to be conquered.
But then He reminded me of an event that happened about a month ago...
[hold hope down
don't give it light
some things can't live
without the night]
First, some background:
In the past decade, I've had quite a few dreams that have burgeoned and then burst. This led me to a place where I did not dare to dream, assuming that my hopes would be dashed. It was not a terribly unhappy place-- low expectations yield high satisfaction. Yet, I was so guarded against hope that my life seemed to be on pause. I lived day to day with no thoughts of tomorrow.
Then an emotional breakthrough occurred, a little more than two years ago. God used circumstances and two very dear friends to guide me to my knees, and He broke my heart wide open. All the callouses that had formed to protect me from feeling began to be peeled away. And in the days that followed, He planted a seed in me. That seed was a dream-- a dream of being healthy to do the things He wanted me to, and also of being loved by someone for who I am, without fear. It was a spark that ignited my drive to get up and begin taking my life back. I started exercising and trying to spend more time with God by cutting out parts of my life that weren't healthy for me at that time.
But before long, I started shifting my newfound hope about love towards one particular person. I spent a lot of time daydreaming about him, and he became the reason for a lot of my seemingly "good" choices. Fast-forward to a month ago when we saw each other, and it became clear that the "dream" I had created was only a crayon representation of a Monet. I took the beautiful hope that God gave me and brought it down to my size, fit it into my life-box, and then had a meltdown when it didn't pan out. When that [permutation of a] dream died, so did my motivation to get healthy, spiritually and physically. Not surprisingly, I have seen an intense resurgence of my addiction(s) in the last four weeks.
Now that I'm seeing this, I have to make a choice. Do I give up and give in? Or do I choose to chase a dream that is unclear, but that I know is from God?
I've been pondering my addiction(s) today, as I've been feeling like they are getting the best of me. I confess that I've been thinking hopeless thoughts, musing that these thorns are more a part of me than the petals, that I haven't been winning the battle, that any ground I've gained is minuscule compared to what remains to be conquered.
But then He reminded me of an event that happened about a month ago...
[hold hope down
don't give it light
some things can't live
without the night]
First, some background:
In the past decade, I've had quite a few dreams that have burgeoned and then burst. This led me to a place where I did not dare to dream, assuming that my hopes would be dashed. It was not a terribly unhappy place-- low expectations yield high satisfaction. Yet, I was so guarded against hope that my life seemed to be on pause. I lived day to day with no thoughts of tomorrow.
Then an emotional breakthrough occurred, a little more than two years ago. God used circumstances and two very dear friends to guide me to my knees, and He broke my heart wide open. All the callouses that had formed to protect me from feeling began to be peeled away. And in the days that followed, He planted a seed in me. That seed was a dream-- a dream of being healthy to do the things He wanted me to, and also of being loved by someone for who I am, without fear. It was a spark that ignited my drive to get up and begin taking my life back. I started exercising and trying to spend more time with God by cutting out parts of my life that weren't healthy for me at that time.
But before long, I started shifting my newfound hope about love towards one particular person. I spent a lot of time daydreaming about him, and he became the reason for a lot of my seemingly "good" choices. Fast-forward to a month ago when we saw each other, and it became clear that the "dream" I had created was only a crayon representation of a Monet. I took the beautiful hope that God gave me and brought it down to my size, fit it into my life-box, and then had a meltdown when it didn't pan out. When that [permutation of a] dream died, so did my motivation to get healthy, spiritually and physically. Not surprisingly, I have seen an intense resurgence of my addiction(s) in the last four weeks.
Now that I'm seeing this, I have to make a choice. Do I give up and give in? Or do I choose to chase a dream that is unclear, but that I know is from God?
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